I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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