The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
