im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
