I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
His nipple licking is glorious
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