What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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