it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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