My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you mean i was at the winter classic?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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