the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
