On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
sarcasm needs its own font
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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