I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
someone owes me an orgasm
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize