Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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