and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
