Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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