it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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