Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize