and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
