My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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