omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
