so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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