I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
