I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize