Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
