It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
