It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
