He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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