the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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