the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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