Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
