The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
