i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
