I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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