2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
