I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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