I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
