I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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