I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
