True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
