She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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