He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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