Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
