Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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