I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
is that a dick in a sweater?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
