pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
