I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
