Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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