I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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