Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
