This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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