I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
