Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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