dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
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Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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