Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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