she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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