Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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