Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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