I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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