So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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