Betty ford says i'm here all night
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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