New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize