Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do you still have your period?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
