"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
