you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I got inside last night via doggy door
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize