So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
