Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Come share oat with me in your robe
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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