im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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