If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
only if we run a train.
done.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
