let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
