just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He passed out mid-signature
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
