my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
