i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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