I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize