Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
