A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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