ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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