he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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