Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
