dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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