I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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