We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
