Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
