Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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