I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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