So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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