Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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