Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize