last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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