woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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